I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
