I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
