I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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