also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will pee on everything he values.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
