I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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