All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
