the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize