Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
