Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize