my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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