I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize