Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
