Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
