kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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