turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize