Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
