I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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