Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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