i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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