I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
