Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize