Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
