I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
