I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
...so i touched it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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