im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
