it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
