3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
