did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
