Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
