i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
