I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
