So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
