I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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