so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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