yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
