this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
