I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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