i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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