Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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