What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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