I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
