My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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