sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
