omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
