I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
