your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
