Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize