I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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