I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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