I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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