At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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