Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
