Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
