Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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