Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
