I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize