her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
