Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
