He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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