i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
