Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't deserve a penis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
