So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
