I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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