Sry I called you an 8
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
