The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize