Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
