It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
