I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
