He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
