All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
