??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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