just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
