She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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