I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
