I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
