some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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