I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
