sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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