Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
