i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
