He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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