Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
