i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
