I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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