I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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