I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
