A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize