I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
