Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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