did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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