she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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