I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
