Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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