im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
