you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
